Where I'm going, not where I want to be, but further along than I was

The start of school when you have kids and the beginning of a new year bring about reflection, at least for me. Or perhaps I am more of navel gazer than I think of myself. Regardless my recent thoughts have brought me to a place where I have more peace than I have in quite awhile.

Seattle is a very special place and God has put in at the center of our family in a very special way. There was no place in the world where we could have gone and had such an easy transition after Oakland. Simply having the initial gift of free rent from my father-in-law relieved so much pressure and allowed me to look for a job without going deep into debt. Also the support structure of wise friends who have walked with us for years was priceless, and then we were also surprised by the new friends God brought into our life during that time who have been an amazing blessing. There are plenty of questions about the future but where we are meant to be is not one of them. I won't be surprised if there are pressures that work on moving us in the near future but the only pressure I'm concern about is that of God's.

Stewardship. When I graduated from college the last thing I cared about was making money. I wanted to creating something cool and care for people. That was carried on throughout graduate school, when after making decent money in my first job I easily walked away to pursue full time ministry. Then there was Oakland, which looked more like survival financially for Karin and me. The stress of graduate school and working for a church startup put us in very bad position in regards to our finances and stewardship. This was not a faithful time in my life as I reflect upon it. While some of the circumstances were out of my control, having been through it wisdom would not allow me to do it again. For those who supported me I was not "unfaithful" with that money, it had more to do with places I would take money from and what I was leveraging in order to just make ends meet. Thankfully God has given me a very gracious family who also seem to have a short term memory:) Now God has placed me in a great position to be a good steward. I pray often to God saying, "All this ambition you have given me in my work, may you bless so I can be just as ambitious with my generosity." Just this week I had lunch with the pastor at Grace and we were dreaming about what God would do in Seattle, and how if He chose to use us.

As I write this my girls are playing Wii in the room next to me. I can't help but think about how much I enjoy being a father. There is so much joy that comes from seeing them grow, learn, and become the women God has intended them to be. During graduate school both Karin and mine we juggled a very crazy schedule which meant I had significant amount of time with our first daughter during the first four years of her life. I feared that I would not have the same connection with number two, that was a completely unfounded fear. Sure I wish I had more time with our two year old, but both my daughters bring me so much joy and they are the thing I take the most godly pride of in my life.

Then there is my marriage, which I mess up all the time in. Though I am listening better. Karin is not merely one of my advisers but rather the partnership God has given me in this life. She knows me better and loves me more than anyone in this world and her words deserve that kind of respect and honor. Now if I didn't get grumpy, sensitive, and bent out of shape so often I am sure that I would do a much better job of honor that voice in my life. For years though I didn't even know the place that she was to have in my life. I'm also learning to speak and encourage when she needs me. Her drive and capability often lead me to give her space because I deeply know that she can do it, but I'm learning she still needs to hear my encouragement. That is crazy and sweet.

My writing has had to take a the back burner:( I still cannot believe that I had time to blog thru the Psalms, and even start the Proverbs. As I hear from other friends at my stage of life, so who are even writers, I find they have a similar struggle. That actually encourages me. There is only so much time and if my kids are civil and I like my wife that says tons.

Pray for Haiti

Here is an email I received this morning from a good friend who was just there last week...

"very sad about the news in port au prince.
american visas have been suspended. amazing to think
we were there less than a week ago.

here is first draft at putting images together.
we filmed for images of hope and light and
slow renewal ... and even small pockets of peace ...
in the middle of great struggle.
(the world news is doing just fine at showing the chaos)

My family and I prayed for him on his trip, now is time for us to continue to pray especially for the church and it's work in Haiti.

never eat alone

Great title for a book by Keith Ferrazzi is excellent. Not really into writing summaries of books because I don't do them justice. My approach is more day by day, taking in something new or being inspired to action, here are two points that hit me today:

"Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. Those rewards create almost as many problems as they solve. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter so the world will at least be a little bit different for our having passed through it." - Rabbi Harold Kushner

Keith on his career and the lack of balance: "For me, the best thing about a relationship-driven career is that it isn't a career at all. It's a way of living. Several years ago, I started to realize that connecting was actually a way of seeing the world. When I thought and behaved in that way, dividing my life between professional and personal spheres no longer made sense. I realized that what made you successful in both worlds were other people and the way you related to them. Whether those people were family people, work people, or friend people, real connecting insists that you bring the same values to every relationship. As a result, I no longer needed to make a distinction between my career happiness and my life happiness-they were both piece of me. My life."

A few years ago I read a book called "Season of Life: a football star, a boy, a journey to manhood" by Jeffery Marx. It changed my life, by stating many of the parts of my worldview but had never expressed. This book "never eat alone" did the same for me. So much for not summarizing huh? God is glorified when we love his creation, and we (people) are a significant part of that creation. The more I understand about myself and my story I see that I have been gifted in this pursuit. Keith Ferrazzi nails it for me and applies this worldview to work practice whereas "Season of Life" applies it to coaching

The Road of Relationships is a wild one...what are you riding in

http://www.gapingvoid.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/3737

I have been convinced that the only thing that matters in life are the relationships you build. The old question, "What's going to be going through you mind on your death bed?" Not which stock you should have bought, whether you went to the right school, or the deal you should have closed, but rather was I a good dad, husband, friend, co-worker, etc.

This bus is a reflection of that to me. Hugh the artist who created the Blue Monster created it after talking to people about why the still work at Microsoft when they could make more money and not take so much crap at other places. The story is online in a few places check out Hugh telling it. From there the monster was born, now there are stickers, a facebook group, t-shirts, wine, and even a bus.

Also what is cool to me is the people on this bus. The are smart active people who probably rub each other a great deal. I use te term rub intentionally because though they don't see eye to eye on everything and probably get on each other's nerves there is a collective connectiveness about their work that makes one another better.

Hating on Facebook

Yesterday one of my favorite bloggers decided that Facebook was finished. Now I don't know enough to agree or disagree, still trying to get my mind around most Web 2.0 and the direction of technology in general. Though this blog brewed in my head all last night, as I tossed and turned I kept thinking about how I would update my status, seriously. The good news with that is that even if Facebook does go down, I still have twitter.


Anyway I wanted to make a few observations I have noticed and go public with a conversation I have had with one very sharp friend who seems to have a clue regarding these things, who doesn't work for Facebook or Microsoft. Let me say first I have lost my affinity for Facebook. I really enjoyed it at first, but there is just a level of involvement that I'm not sure I want. I have already filled out what cities I've been to, what books I'm reading, and rated bunches of movies. How much more is there in life? With that said I will still spend some part of the time I would have watched TV/movie or just read a book for entertainment on Facebook. That is valuable. Really valuable. Time is the only resource I have that I cannot go out and get more of, and Facebook has moved into the realm of things I do. For how long I am not sure. Like Balmer said of Google, "They are one algorimth away from being obsolete." Facebook is one better pony show away from being off my list for things that I spend my time doing.

Another observation I have about Facebook is it made my birthday this year more interested. I was blasted, encouraged, checked in with tons more friends than I would have otherwise and that felt good. The connection part of the experience, that feeling, at the risk of sounding like a Mastercard commericial is priceless. I know that many of these friends, no offense to my next statement, are too lazy to actually send a card or pick up the phone for my birthday, but to give these lazy friends a chance to be in the mix on my birthday is nice. With that said how long can that last?

Remember how great email was when we first starting sending and receiving? All that beautiful blue and white text, I would rush to the computer lab at my university just to see if perhaps I got a note from someone. Anyway at that time AOL did something to capture people, it was three words, "You've got mail." Looking back on it we are so sophisticated it is easy to scorn, but tons of people (not the most tech saavy people) flocked to AOL just to hear "You've got mail". It made them feel good. It has such an impact they made a horrible movie based on those words. Taking two great and talented actors and making a big piece of poop, and we are worried about the writers strike, what a joke. Anyway since I first signed up for Facebook the only way I understood it was by saying it is the new AOL. A Web 2.0 AOL, if you will. There is nothing new, and honestly after being on it for awhile nothing that great. Do I still enjoy it? Yes, but to think that it is worth $10-15 billion dollars and will remain a successful business I doubt.

I don't think Microsoft made a mistake by getting involved with them, besides as long as they are being aggressive I like some mistakes. Yet I think Microsoft in their Web 2.0 venture and desire to dominate advertising on the internet will far exceed what Facebook is currently doing. Some of the changes I'm sensing recently with Microsoft lead me to believe the sleeping giant has been awaken. From a consumer side I love it because I hope to see even more extremely cool and innovative technology being put out there by the amazing people they have.

My facebook Friends

To me how I get information is more important then the information I get. For instance, I can listen to preaching about a particular passage of the Bible forever, but it is essential in order for me to understand it I must read it myself and live it. From there the source is very important. I read somewhere recently that Thomas Jefferson did not read the newspaper but rather would ask people around him about it. That way, if you know the person at all, their perspective on the story comes through, often times with broadcast media the perspective is hard to uncover or so shades the story it is hard to believe it at all.

How does this relate to facebook for me. At this time facebook is nothing more than a way for me to communicate with friends. I have twitter on it, so they can know what I am doing at anytime, I post articles and sometimes my own blog. I also read the announcements and other public material my friends are posting. This allows me to not only gather information that is useful coming from my community, but also gives me filters as people comment on what they post. My community no has direct influence on how I learn, the same influence that broadcast media once had. Sure often times this means I get links of ping-pong, or funny commercials, or business time. I am alright with that because even entertainment and humor is influenced by my community. Now as much as I wish it were not true I do not like everyone that I am influenced by, daily I have to deal with opinions and views that might not be in line with mine, but it is important for me to interact and listen to those who I may not agree with or even like. In the same way I am willing to include many in my facebook friends, giving them a voice in my life. It is clear and easy to understand who has the most influence, look at those who I have the most connections with and those who interact the most. Sure facebook could develop some more formal settings or names for those you connect with to make this more clear, but why.

Just for fun or if you haven't got enough of my rambling on this, check out an post that influenced my thinking on this:

http://scobleizer.com/2007/08/28/the-eight-ways-you-can-be-my-friend-or-enemy-online/

"Not many black people in Seattle"

Our time in Oakland, CA was a time of great growth for both Karin and I culturally. Living in a historic black city as a white person will educate you. Most of our experiences in church life there were difficult. The stories didn't end up being wrapped in a bow with a happy ending like I often expect them too, perhaps I watch too many After School Specials as a kid. This weekend we have been bless with the visit of a friend, the last person in the world we would expect to have visited us, and are able to see that her story is going in an entirely different and wonderful directions. Perhaps there is hope for the eternal optimist, an after school special can come true.

Our church was located on Grand Ave. in Oakland a pretty cool road that at one point wraps around Lake Merritt, but the north end of it is a business district and our church was just north of the business district. The two closest shops near us were Safeway and Ace Hardware. On a regular basis outside each of these establishment there would be someone selling a Street Spirit, in SF it is Street Sheet, and in Seattle they are call Real Change, but they are all the same. $1 newspapers people who are homeless sell with a permit. So in our time in Oakland, CA our family got to know one of these people really well, Dee.

Now I am taking too much credit. I would say hi to Dee, or once in awhile buy her something. She loves Cranberry Juice Cocktail. It was actually Karin though who really began to connect with her. The developed a friendship, through Karin chatting with her, but also Dee's love of kids and affection for Aidyn. Dee ended up attending our church and I met with her to try to develop a plan to help her find a place to live and work on some addiction issues. For most of our time there there really wasn't much new happening with Dee. Multiple physical issues, occasionally missing appointments we would set, seasonal attendance to church, and ultimately her addiction had a hard grasp on her life. Throughout all of it our family would have great interactions with Dee.

One of the funniest had to to with Dee knowing that she was not going to make it to church one week and wanting to make sure that her tithe money made it. So she tried to give it to Karin outside of the Safeway store. Already it was uncomfortable for Karin to be handed money from someone who was homeless, but on top of that the Oakland Fire Department was there sitting their engine looking down at this white woman wrestling over money with this homeless lady. Needless to say when Karin still tells me the story I crack up.

The most touch part of our relationship with Dee came down to how much she and Aidyn love each other. Aidyn would regularly take gifts to Dee, but every time Dee saw Aidyn she would give her at least one banana. It was great as a parent to talk with my daughter about generosity and how special that banana really was because Dee didn't have much and yet she gave what little she had to those she loves. Aidyn got it. The funny part is Dee hates banana's. And I guess that was an easy thing for people coming out of a grocery store to give someone. They just rip off one of their bananas as they walk out to their car. Even then since being in Seattle we got a card from Dee and there was $5 for Aidyn, her "banana money".

Just before we left Oakland things with Dee did take a dramatic turn and it was for the worst. Our last few connections with Dee were in psychiatric hospitals. Without going into the details, things just had piled up for Dee and it broke her. Unlike most of what I hear of people experiences in state run facilities like this, we were able to make good connections with staff, and did what we could to make sure Dee would have the best care. Karin also made one trip where she and Dee were able to go out shopping and pick up some real basic needs, and some just for fun, but there were things that got lost in the break down.

Then we left. After arriving in Seattle we would get regular phone calls and messages from Dee and it was clear that she was doing better and we were very excited. Again she sent the wonderful card to Aidyn and we were hopeful for what was happening in her life. And then she began to mention leaving Oakland moving back East closer to family, and before she did it she was going to make a stop in Seattle. Last Thursday night Dee made it to Seattle...