Laziness, Proverbs 10:3-4

4 A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.
5 He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame.

Appropriate rest is a big part of the Bible's story, we are called to enter into God's rest which is also known as Sabbath. The other side of sabbath is our calling to be diligent, which is a word I really like. This means regular attending to these things which need care. We are not entitled to things, which is a mistake many people make. As a Christian I believe everything we have, every good and perfect gift, is by God's grace and here are some of he implications of that on our work:

Grace is a free gift...
You can't earn it through your work.
You are not entitled to it because of your belief, birth, or knowledge.
You are now free to use what you have been given to it's fullness, however much or little that might be, no hedging.
You can seek out work to be done without the pressure or weight of it all being dependent on you.
You can find blessings where they are expected (harvest) and where they are unexpected (summer).

One of my favorite Gospel illustrations is related to the myth of Sisyphus We live like Sisyphus cursed to push our rock up the hill never to satisfaction day after day. Through the cross of Christ Jesus takes our rock for us, therefore we are free! Able to assist pushing the rock, dance, run and play. We are complete free to risk and be diligent in all that we have been called to do.

Proverbs 10:1-3

1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.

Families are connected. Even when I was younger I could tell that my actions as a son had deep effects upon my parents. Now that I am a parent I see the hopes I have for my kids and how their good and bad decisions effect me.

Proverbs was written to young business men, used to help train them in how to be successful in the way God would want. Perhaps it is because I am in my thirties or even because I'm not earning my living through working at the church, regardless I am amazed at how many men live for the approval and acknowledgement of their father. This drive is at the core of most men. They either receive it and know they are okay or are continually driven frantic in the pursuit of it.


That is not the same for men and boys with their mom. Mom will say "he was a nice boy" even while he sits on death row, approval is not the issue. Deep sadness and sorrow is though. Men and fathers will mask or remove themselves from the heartache, mom's will never escape it.

To me both these pictures are found in the Gospel. In Jesus we have the full acceptance of the Father. So whether your dad is dead or alive, whether you have his approval or not, you can still know that you are fully accepted by your heavenly Father. Second he finds joymor delight in you. There are no step children with God, he chose you and you a his. You can completely blow in and his heart does not lose joy for you. He is on your side and with you.

2 Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit, but righteousness delivers from death.

When I started in my first sales job there were many lessons. On important one was that the ends justified the means. When it was at the end of the month you forced through everything you could in order to get that larger check and keep your numbers up. At the end of the day everyone was looking at profit. God's accounting does not work that way. He wipes that line clean. Sadly it took years for me to see that my work and how I do it matters, not just what position I am in at the end of the quarter.

There is a death that comes along with seeking profit at all cost. We see this all the time in our economy with these business that go down this road. Most recently the real-estate collapse, where tons of folks who could affording mortagages we sold them, now many are jobless and have lost their home. There is allittle bit of death we all experience with these events. Can we create, support, and work within business models that deliver from death raher then create it. These can be profitable world changing business and ideas, I mean why wouldn't God want to make these service thrive! This is what his kingdom is about, Jesus did it through preaching and healing, and yet he said that after him we will do much greater things, what does that mean? I don't know but do not limit your I imagination when it comes to the kingdom of God.

3 The LORD does not let the righteous go hungry, but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.

These three verses have a connection to me. How righteousness effects the family, how righteousness plays out in work, and how God cares for the righteous. Though we are encouraged to not solely focus on profit, we can have peace that God is focus on our bottom line! He will not let you go hungry, so go for it. Let your hope and imagination run wild.

One of my favorite quotes is from Bill Gates who was asked how much money is enough, his response "one more dollar". You can judge for yourself whether Bill Gates is wicked, he's done more to effect the world for probably both good and bad then most people who live so I'm uncertain how to even judge. His statement though express a desire and drive that i find in my own heart. That craving that regardless of what I have a little more will satisfy. God can thwart that craving, his plan undermines these folks.

Dreams, one of my favorite recent stories is about the dream Karin, my wife, and I shared at the end of my first year of my current job. I had just gone through a major transition from full time vocational ministry into selling localization services. It had been a great year and we decided to let it ride in this direction, before that there was always a thought in the back of our minds I'd try to get a church job again. So we prayed and we dreamed. I made a list of all the clients I wanted to have within technology to sell localization to, I talked about being the top salesperson in the entire industry. Within one year every company I had named I was working with. I'm in a position that people work their entire career to secure, and God deserves all praise. Even as I share that story I am left wondering when was the last time I dreamed that way? What is the next exciting only attainable through the work of God hope that I have? The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry!

Where I'm going, not where I want to be, but further along than I was

The start of school when you have kids and the beginning of a new year bring about reflection, at least for me. Or perhaps I am more of navel gazer than I think of myself. Regardless my recent thoughts have brought me to a place where I have more peace than I have in quite awhile.

Seattle is a very special place and God has put in at the center of our family in a very special way. There was no place in the world where we could have gone and had such an easy transition after Oakland. Simply having the initial gift of free rent from my father-in-law relieved so much pressure and allowed me to look for a job without going deep into debt. Also the support structure of wise friends who have walked with us for years was priceless, and then we were also surprised by the new friends God brought into our life during that time who have been an amazing blessing. There are plenty of questions about the future but where we are meant to be is not one of them. I won't be surprised if there are pressures that work on moving us in the near future but the only pressure I'm concern about is that of God's.

Stewardship. When I graduated from college the last thing I cared about was making money. I wanted to creating something cool and care for people. That was carried on throughout graduate school, when after making decent money in my first job I easily walked away to pursue full time ministry. Then there was Oakland, which looked more like survival financially for Karin and me. The stress of graduate school and working for a church startup put us in very bad position in regards to our finances and stewardship. This was not a faithful time in my life as I reflect upon it. While some of the circumstances were out of my control, having been through it wisdom would not allow me to do it again. For those who supported me I was not "unfaithful" with that money, it had more to do with places I would take money from and what I was leveraging in order to just make ends meet. Thankfully God has given me a very gracious family who also seem to have a short term memory:) Now God has placed me in a great position to be a good steward. I pray often to God saying, "All this ambition you have given me in my work, may you bless so I can be just as ambitious with my generosity." Just this week I had lunch with the pastor at Grace and we were dreaming about what God would do in Seattle, and how if He chose to use us.

As I write this my girls are playing Wii in the room next to me. I can't help but think about how much I enjoy being a father. There is so much joy that comes from seeing them grow, learn, and become the women God has intended them to be. During graduate school both Karin and mine we juggled a very crazy schedule which meant I had significant amount of time with our first daughter during the first four years of her life. I feared that I would not have the same connection with number two, that was a completely unfounded fear. Sure I wish I had more time with our two year old, but both my daughters bring me so much joy and they are the thing I take the most godly pride of in my life.

Then there is my marriage, which I mess up all the time in. Though I am listening better. Karin is not merely one of my advisers but rather the partnership God has given me in this life. She knows me better and loves me more than anyone in this world and her words deserve that kind of respect and honor. Now if I didn't get grumpy, sensitive, and bent out of shape so often I am sure that I would do a much better job of honor that voice in my life. For years though I didn't even know the place that she was to have in my life. I'm also learning to speak and encourage when she needs me. Her drive and capability often lead me to give her space because I deeply know that she can do it, but I'm learning she still needs to hear my encouragement. That is crazy and sweet.

My writing has had to take a the back burner:( I still cannot believe that I had time to blog thru the Psalms, and even start the Proverbs. As I hear from other friends at my stage of life, so who are even writers, I find they have a similar struggle. That actually encourages me. There is only so much time and if my kids are civil and I like my wife that says tons.

Trust and Parenting

"If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves." - C.G. Jung

Recently because of my road trip with my two girls and a sermon I heard last week, I have been thinking about parenting. The major theme I am putting thoughts under is TRUST. Why?

1. I notice that my almost two year old has the hardest time when her immediate needs are not being met and she does not believe that they will be.
2. I notice that my eight year old becomes obsessive about issues when she does not think we are listening to her or going to make sure her desires are met.
3. Both are crushed when we don't do something we said we would for whatever reason.

The list goes on but these are the highlights for me recently. Each comes down to a lack or trust or trust being broken. As a parent it is important for us to teach our children to trust. It was trust that was broken after creation when Adam & Eve gave into the serpent, and it is a deeper trust we are learning in the recreation. So we teach trust in a few ways.

1. We fail and are untrustworthy, so our kids freak. (There are ways that this can be used to teach).
2. We are people who value our commitments and words, and build a track record of trustworthiness (the Jung quote was leading to that)
3. We build in clear situations for our children where they are aware of how dependent they are upon the care of their parents and call them to trust us in caring for them.

Where are the places you have had to grow as a parent in becoming trustworthy? What is the volue of our children learning to trust?

Chaotic in all circumstances

The last week I have been focused on Philippians. To me it is a book about unity and care, the workplace needs both of those. The passage I've come back to personally is the statement, "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, i have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." The last part of that was sent to me on an encouragement card as I kid, I thought it was that anything I wanted God could give me.

These day that is not my take, really it hasn't been for awhile. The catch is practically, day-in-and-day-out I have no idea how Paul did it. Content in all circumstances, I tend to be chaotic in all circumstances. On both sides of the poverty line there is an wild nature to my life, and I'm longing for that peace that Paul is talking about.

The cynical side of me says Paul is the ultimate fundraiser and is just letting his supporters know he is okay, but I don't know that works with the previous verses written. He has a connection, he was a small business owner, missionary, fundraiser, etc. I don't know that he ever had a desire to own a house (or if he did own one), he didn't raise a family, no 401K, falling stock market, or many of the concerns that mess with us now. The challenge for me is not to 'remove' all these things in my life, that is not a option for me, but rather find a way (the connect Paul had) to be content in them.

Perhaps some of this is just having an 16 month old around that makes everything seem chaotic. Work is what is it, church life is what it is, but I do have a longing for more peace at home. Maybe two or three years, haha? I'm focusing on this at the moment, seeking and asking that God would show up in it.

side jobs

I guess everyone is getting one with the way things are going these days.  the catch with mine is that I don't get paid for it, that might not be the whole truth when you help out your spouse.  

so check out the website i've been working on for Karin.  Still has some work but is interesting to me.  taking technology and making collaboration and accessibility possible for artist is pretty cool.  The site isn't very complex, intentional, but also the limits of the one working on it.

check it out and follow if you want...

karinstevensdance.com

My life guiding principles

Okay one more thing here.  In 2008 I worked on my life principles.  Still am working through the goals part, but at least I have these buckets to help guide me:

1. Not afraid of hard or messy work.

Proverbs 14:4

4 Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,
but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.

(this is also my "life verse", with the ox you get crops but also a shitty barn)

2. Relationships are key to life, honor them.

Galatians 5:14

14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Luke 10:25-28

25 And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” 26 He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?” 27 And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” 28 And he said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live.”

3. The greatest opportunity I have for blessing from God is through my children.

Proverbs 20:7

7 The righteous who walks in his integrity—
blessed are his children after him!

Acts 2:39

39 For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.”

4. A generous life is a rich one.

Psalm 112:1-5

1 Praise the Lord!
 Blessed is the man who fears the Lord,
who greatly delights in his commandments!
2 His offspring will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches are in his house,
and his righteousness endures forever.
4 Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
5 It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
who conducts his affairs with justice.

Mark 12:41-44

41 And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. 42 And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny.  43 And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. 44 For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

1 Timothy 6:18-19

18 They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, 19 thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.

Mark 14:3-9

3 And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. 4 There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that? 5 For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they scolded her.6 But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7 For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me. 8 She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial.9 And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.”

One story to end '08

This year was wacked.  Not sure how to even begin to describe it to those of you who were not along for the ride, some of you know, and I might have time to put together a list of some of the events, but it will take some thought so I want to tell a heart-warming tale to end 2008.

Christmas day I convince Karin for our family to get a wii.  Doesn't sound like a big deal for most, but for us it really is.  We are saving, pinching pennies, the budget rules us and was feeling like a prison.  So it was a big deal and thanks to it being a gift from family it made us feel good.  Little did we know that there aren't any in stock anywhere.  We call Bestbuy on the 26th, the person lied and said they had them, and then wasted a trip there only to be disappointed.

So I twittered on it.  Then I began searching wiiripofflist, errr  craiglist to see what was there, made a few calls, but none of the leads seemed good.  So we waited.  Then I get an email from an account manager for a very large localization company who I compete with out at Microsoft, though there is not much competition since his companies does lots more business than us.  He email and texted me that he had an extra wii.  This whole waiting time I had been hoping for a used one because frankly full price seemed silly and I didn't want to add one more to the waste pile in a few years.  He had a system which he gave me a very reasonable price on!  We have been having a blast the last two days playing!  My daughter is amazing at bowling and has been kicking our butts!

A few lessons for me from 2008, some related to this and other events:

1.  People matter, not just a little bit, the are the most valuable thing in your life (after God) and you  need to treat them that way.  It does not matter who they are.  Yes, family get special treatment and spouses even more special, but these relationships are what we are given and God cares about what we do with them.  I hope to treat people better next year.

2.  Technology is cool and even cooler when it brings people together.  We are just making baby steps about how technology can bring people together.  The Social Web is nice, but it is worse than baby talk right now.  I am excited about how we will be brought together as we move into the future.  Twitter, blogs, facebook, wii, iPhone are all neat technologies but just the beginning.  Not only do I want to continue to take advantage of these, I'd like to drive the creation of a cool one myself.

3.  Be true.  Nothing causes more trouble than lies.  I make stupid decisions, I need to own them.  I try to cover my own butt, I need to stop it only makes things worse.  I get angry, listening and patience go a lot further than a raised voice.  People eventually learn to deal with the truth, and in the long run it is best for everyone!

My daughter taught me...

Tonight while playing with my one year old I learned.  I was sitting on the ground, as she would get up I would grab her and hug her.  After two times I quit grabbing her, instead of running away at full speed she would actually walk backward and fall on me.  The fun for her was not the play of running away but rather falling into her father's arms.  

Maybe that is what sanctification looks like.  Instead of the fun we think we are having running away and being grabbed by the Father, perhaps we need to find out if when God let's us go, falling back into his arms is the way to go?  Just something I learned.

A marathon and another significant event

Karin and I arrived in MD three days ago, after two days in my parents house we left the kids and are vacationing in Washington D.C.  To be specific we are staying in Old Town Alexandria and I am running the Marine Corp Marathon (MCM) on  Sunday when the kids and grandparents will meet up with us.  

One of the most significant moment, I felt something shift in me, was when I ran my first marathon, Big Sur, over three years ago while still living in Oakland, CA.  While running the race something changed in me and I knew that a year from that day things would be significantly different in my life.  About six months after I had resigned my job, lost my house and turned thirty years old.  Very significant.

Now I'm about to embark on my eighth marathon, and my first full day in MD I received some significant and very sad news regarding our old church in Oakland.  Thankfully since Karin and I are on our own, no work or kids, we have tons  of time to process and pray about it.  There will be pleny more for me to write on the matter at this time I am unable though.  For one I don't know how much of the information I have is rumor and truth, I'm not confident in what direction God is taking things, I have no idea my role, and God and I are still talking (so far most of our conversation has been in passing and we need a sit down).

If you read this blog please pray.  Currently Karin and I are doing great, there is anger and sadness, but both are expected.  We are going out and having fun today.  I am very grateful for what God has done for me and my family.  We have been at arm's length of tragedy a few times in our short life, and God has protected us from being grabbed and dragged down with it.  Being so close to tragedy isn't fun though.

Too long for twitter...too funny not to write

I'm lying in bed with my wife last night (you know a real funny joke is coming with that start) and she says, "I could read the nutritional content of Aidyn's poop today."  And I begin guessing what food our baby ate, peas, carrotts...

Karin says, "No, she ate some paper product that had the nutritional contents listed...I READ WORDS IN HER POOP."

I fell out of be laughing.

Happy Birthday Dad

July 4th means lots of things in my house.  Today is cool because it means I get to see my girls who have been away camping for a few days while I put in marathon days at work.  Until they arrive I get to sit in Cupcake Royal drinking my Verite Coffee in downtown Ballard.  Paul Simon's, Me and Julio is blasting and I am feeling very inspired.  On top of all that Kinko's was open so i could get my passport photo which I am  having to rush around because it is looking likely I be going across the pond for work.  Did I mention it is Aidyn's Birthday Eve.

Beside BBQ and hanging with friends, 4th of July has always meant one thing for me.  My dad, Michael William Stevens Sr. Birthday.  This was the guy who I would have called my best friend through age thirteen.  He has model honesty, hard work, and how to enjoy other people for me.  I am very grateful for  a great picture of being a father, friend, and man of God that my dad has given me.  He turns 63 today!  That's pretty cool, I remember when my grandparents were 63 and it was like they were from another planet.  Now 63 seems like a few days away.  I talked with him this morning and he was out mowing the lawn and working in the yard, mind you he has had some serious health conditions including lime diseases going on this year, so while it might not be a very restful Birthday being able to be so active is reason to celebrate.  Now like any Grandfather I know hearing from me is alright but he really wants to hear from the grandgirls.  So we will give him a call or perhaps hook up a video chat with all the girls later.  

I'm terrible with getting the card and gift off on time, just sent his card this morning.  But I do try to let the people I know I love them on their Birthday.  I love my dad, he is a great man and I am looking forward to his visiting next month...that is just a few days away

Exposing our Children through our blogs

Yesterday I was in a session on blogging. There ended up being an interesting discussion on how we expose our children through our writing online. This was something that I have not concerned myself with assuming that the crazies are crazy and will find away to act crazy.

Now most of the bloggers agreed with that not as concerned with the security exceptions. Yet the question was asked, Would you post a pic of you kid up at the community center? Of course not, good thing to consider. Some suggestions were to wipe out the face of your kids like Michael Jackson does, the other is to make up a pseudonym for yourself and your children. Interesting. The thought was, Don't your children have the right to created their own online identity? I don't think so, though I think it sounds nice. Part of being a parent is integrating you kids to the world, I start the path for them being exposed, this starts with who holds your baby...so obviously wisdom must be used. The problem is there are lots of DA (dumb asses) around.

Lastly one of my favorite authors exposed her son and herself in an amazing way. Ann Lamott writes about parenting and has reached my soul. Now her son surely had plenty to overcome since he has been so publicly exposed, yet I am grateful to know some of his life. Sorry your suffering is my gain. But as I have said before it is just one more contribution to my daughters story she will share with her counselor in the future.

My Grandfather Post #2

I've got plenty more to highlight regarding my grandfather's career as a pilot. In thinking about how my grandmother hooked him up has caused me to reflect on their relationship the last day. When my granddad died, or was almost dead the took him away into the ambulance unconscious. As they wheeled him out my grandmother was next to him holding his hand saying over and over again, "I love you Billy, I love you Billy." This is after over sixty years of marriage, nine children, many years spent with him as a practicing alcoholic, seperate bedrooms, the whole soap opera.

When I was about sixteen the family decided to throw my grandparents a 50th wedding anniversary party. We rented out an old gym at their church (St. Marks), the renewed their vows. My responsibility was to DJ the event. I borrow some turn tables and speakers from some friends and set them up. The coolest part was my grandmother highlighted all the songs on her vinyl records that she thought would make for an excellent dance! I was really into jazz, especially swing at the time so I was in heaven. The family danced, all of us, and I remember even though my granddad's health wasn't great then, he danced a few songs, and he had a special dance with my grandmother. His dancing partner at that point for over 50 years.

My Grandfather Post #1

A little over six months ago my granddad, Bill Stevens died. It was right around the time of the birth of my second daughter and so I was unable to attend the funeral. The summer before his death I began asking my dad lots of questions about Granddad, and began to feel that we were a great deal alike, I'll probably go into that conversation at some point with these post. This weekend as I was cleaning in my garage I found a story my Granddad's neighbor had written about him that chronicled his career as a military pilot in WWII.

I wanted to share some of that story and some of the details as I have recently been think a lot about my Granddad.

Though my grandfather wanted to be a pilot before he entered the service he was in training to be an infantry officer. It wasn't until his girlfriend, later my grandmother had a good friend who was the secretary to the head of Army personnel who would process the application for his transfer into the US Air Force. My Grandmother hooked him up! He began his training at Bennett Field, SC in 1943 as part of Class 44C. His flight training was conducted in a Boeing Stearman BT-17 biplane, a radial-engined, two-seat, dual-control airplane that has always been capable of aerobatics. Only 40% of the group that began training with him made it through, the other sixty were washouts.

Arizona Rocks especially while running

So last weekend my family and I spent it in Scottsdale, AZ! What an amazing place. The views were beautiful, my only other tripto AZ was the Grand Canyon, and this was up there in overall beauty.

On Saturday Karin, Jon (my bro-in-law) and I went for a run which ended up being about seven mile and included a 400 ft. Hill. The above picture is part of the view from the top, amazing 360 degrees, breath taking beauty.

The part that made the run the most fun was how truly Arizona it was. First on the way down I slipped and caught myself without falling, the only problem was I kept myself running by grabbing a cactus. Needless to say there was lots of blood. The picture is great, looked much worse than it felt.

As we stopped to take a picture of my hand we looked at the sign and snapped a picture while Karin ran by. Beware of AFRICANIZED BEES JUST OFF PATH!!! Glad we avoided them.

The trail ended in someone's back yard. Instead of getting to know the neighbors we had to cut through uncut desert to get back to the road and eventually a trail. On our way there, I heard what sounded like a rattle. Thinking I was paranoid imagining things I went the opposite way to be safe. After getting on the road I asked if Jon or Karin had slipped while behind me, then Karn looked at me and said I heard it to...A RATTLE SNAKE. So no lie while running in Arizona we had close calls with a cactus, africanized bees, and a rattle snake! The wedding was great, but the run made the trip:)

Aidyn's First PhotoWalk...Guess the theme

Photo walking is a new hobby Aidyn and I have started since she got her Hello Kitty Digital Camera for Christmas. To kick this off please enjoy the show and let us know if you can guess the theme. For those who have a hard time Aidyn wrote this poem for you...

Leaves, bare or brown
isn't that a wonderful sound?
blowing, swaying in the wind
falling to the ground,
but most are standing all around.

Watch and let us know if you have a guess.

My Daughter's first digital camera

So this picture was taken by my six year old daughter on her Christmas gift. The Hello Kitty Digital Camera, has no view screen, a horrible UI, and has taken some work to figure out...other than that it is great. She is loving every moment taking pictures, so it was a great score for Christmas! Go Aidyn!

My History of Violence

I found great humor and was disturbed by that when I read Tim Ferriss article today, Why I started punching jerks again. Now I grew up with lots of violence in my neighborhood of Baltimore, MD. If anyone has watch the HBO show The Wire, I grew up one mile from that neighborhood. I was in my first fight, of significance, in the third grade. It was with an eighth grader. I got in one amazing shot right across his jaw..had to jump to land it...and that was about all I remember other than my head being bashed against a brink wall at some point. When I returned home, beaten badly, my brother showed no sympathy on my, but decided it was the best time to teach me to fight. After that I never lost a fight, I won't say I won all of them a few may have been draws.

In my pea brain somewhere I do believe violence solves things. It gets results. Now with all of that said at 31 years old and a dad of two I have not been in a fight in ages, thankfully. Yet I still like a good action flick. When I step back I am able to see that there is satisfaction in engaging the world for change, even through violence. The question then becomes is violence the best means? From a Christian perspective the loud answer is, "Of course not!" Jesus would have never gone to the cross if that were the case. Now we live in a fallen world, and I know growing up there were times when the only thing a bully in my life understood was a hard blow to the head. I look back on that and it makes me sad. I still hate bullies, but these were kids who were doing awful things, and they learned it somewhere. I find it sad that as a kid the only solutions I knew was violence in order to get me out of circumstances of being bullied, and I feel really sad for the kids who were not strong/big/brave/goofy enough to stand up the way I did.

Anyway I guess that I do not support punching someone in the face not matter how much they might deserve it. Yet, that doesn't mean I won't pray that they do get it eventually. Call it Karma, or you reap what you sow, but they will get it and sometimes I even pray that I'll get to witness it, not really.

1st Communion

Yesterday was a very big day and an emotional one for me as Aidyn took her first communion. Now as Presbyterians we don't have the 1st Communion thing down the way the Catholics do, but we did our best. I got to teach a six week class for the kids who ranged in age from 5-12 years old. Now that sounds like it might be challenging but it was great. The older kids I had in the class were amazing, and they younger ones I knew pretty well which included Aidyn.

So during the service yesterday the church purchased the kids beautiful 'grown up' Bibles. Jon the pastor prayed for them, and they came forward for the first time. What was really striking for me was the great promise this showed us. First that we are not alone as parents. Aidyn has demonstrated faith and been able to articulate her beliefs for about two years. Yet we were not in a community that was thinking about training children for worship. I know I had the authority just to make the decision, but I am really glad we waited and had an entire community invovled. Aidyn was very grateful too.

The other part that really struck me was that the three girls that were in the service to be received were very special. Of course Aidyn, then Jon & Lynn Harralson's (pastor of Grace) oldest daughter, and Phil & Robin Peterson's daughter familes that all sacrificed a great deal for this church and been through all the mess. As a matter of fact as I think about it now, just about all the kids who attended the class had families that had been through it in this church! It is amazing to see how God is faithful even through the hard times. There is a point as a parent where you realize that perhaps all the ambition and desires you had your whole life were wrong and perhaps the only thing God placed you on this earth to do is raise amazing kids who will change the world. In that I think God will surprising give us the desires and ambitions of our heart, but at least for me my focus has changed tons.

We celebrated with an awesome lunch with some friends, and Aidyn spend a good deal of the afternoon reading her new Bible. I am really grateful for God's faithfulness to our family and especially Aidyn during this last year of transition. I am also very excited about all that he has in store for all of us in the future. Yesterday was a wonderful day to be reminded of these things.