Psalm 139

139:1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

When Karin and I went for marriage counseling, I was suspicious. Probably not for the reasons you think, I had studied counseling already. I understood the value, I just know that there are lots of clowns out there telling people what to do with their life and I didn't want to deal with one of them. So as we sat in the waiting room and were handed the packet of forms to fill out, there was a recommendation on the first page of the paperwork from Larry Crabb, who I greatly respect, for the counselor we were going to meet with. It was a great experience, one even today, five years later Karin and I still reference things we learned. One of the things that stands out the most, and our counselor would always say to us is, "It sounds like your missing each other's hearts." That blew our mind. Our attention was on the words we were saying to each other and the details of the situation, we were unable to see past that to the great reality.

This is one of the things that makes God so great. He does care for the details, no a hair falls from our heads without his knowing, yet that is not all with him. He understands us, sees us for who he created us to be...his children. The great thing about children is their honesty, even when they screw up. I am amazed that when confronted with her actions, sometimes Aidyn will just begin to cry. When I ask her why she's crying she express something like this is not how I want to act...but I feel like I can't help it. As her parent I see that she longs to be good, "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!" Sometimes when I am faced with my actions I just cry, because down deep, really deep my desire is to please my heavenly Father.

He knows that because he has given me that. It is a gift. At a very young age I made statements like, "Where I come from..." Still not sure what that meant but I had a clear awareness of something more. Then as I got older I would go for long walks and talk with God. I didn't know that this was the God of the Bible, it was just my friend. The one who heard me, knew me, and probably kept me from great harm. Only later did God reveal himself to me through Jesus in worship. He placed a desire in my heart from my beginning. He knows me and leads me in his righteousness.